Teen Power and Control

If one partner creates all the rules and boundaries, it can lead into methods of power and control over their partner. The teen power and control wheel can help us understand different types of emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse that may take place.

Anger/Emotional Abuse:

-        “Why are you cancelling now? You are so annoying! You know how long it takes me to get ready.”     

This includes putting them down, making them feel bad about themselves, gaslighting, name calling, humiliating, and/or making them feel guilty.

Social Status:

-        “Any girl would kill to wear my jersey. You’re not that special.”

This includes treating them as though they are a servant, being one to define gender roles/stereotypes, and making all the decisions.

Minimize/Deny/Blame:

-        “Stop being such a baby and take it like a man.”

This would be if someone was not taking a situation seriously and making light of abuse. This could also be saying that abuse did not happen and that the victim is responsible for what has taken place. This makes the victim feel like it is their fault and they deserve to be treated poorly.

Peer Pressure:

-        “Just send me a picture, everyone else is doing it.”

This could include threatening to expose a secret about their partner to the whole school, spreading rumors, and telling lies. Saying things like “everyone else is doing it” pressures people to feel as though they should do it too.

Threats:

-        “If you don’t start buying me nice things, I’ll find someone who will.”

This includes many different things such as threatening to hurt their partner, threatening to hurt themselves, or threatening to break up. This could be making and/or carrying out threats that harm another person usually in an emotional way.

Intimidation:

-        “Shut Up! It’s over when I say it’s over!”

This could include making someone feel afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions. This could also include destroying property, raising the voice, abusing pets, and displaying weapons. Any action that could instill fear in a person can be intimidation.

Isolation:

-        “Your friends don’t love you like I do.”

This would be controlling what their partner does, who they talk to, and who they are allowed to see. Limiting their contact with others can cause their other relationships to diminish, so that when the victim tries to leave or confide in someone there is no one for them.

Forced Sex:

-        “You’re going to do it whether you like it or not.” This includes manipulating or making threats for/against sex. Refusing to use protection and contraceptives. Drugging their partner n order to get them to have sex. This also includes forcing them to take/send sexually explicit photos

- Megan Oleski, Youth Education Specialist