Let's Not Forget Our Men

Usually when we hear some say domestic violence and relationship abuse, we think of a man hitting a woman. This is one of the most universally known examples of relationship abuse, but it comes with the misconception that only women experience abuse. The truth is that this is not always the case, men can be the victims of domestic violence too. Studies show that physical abuse occurs every 37 seconds for men.

It is important to keep in mind that men typically do not report abuse. Why do you think that is? Maybe they’re afraid of what it could do to their reputation? Maybe they’re afraid that their partner might leave them? They might be made fun of because people might think they are weak. If you ask me, this doesn’t sound fair. In general, it is really hard to tell another person if you are going through abuse, but imagine others making you feel bad for it.

The fact is, there are a lot of stereotypes. We hold men to a set standard and expectation. Often we expect our men to:

-          Be dominant                                                               -    Be unemotional

-          Be tough                                                                     -    Be insensitive

-          Take it like a man                                                       -    Be athletic

-          Be strong                                                                    -    Like cars, video games, sports

-          Like women                                                                -    Tell their partner what to do

-          Never cry

We have a skewed definition of masculinity and what it means to be a man. Although these things may be true for some men, not all men are like this. When a man steps out of this area of expectation to report abuse, they can be faced with backlash, called weak, and not be taken seriously.

“Take it like a man.”

“It’s okay if a woman hits you, but never hit her back.”

“Don’t be such a girl”

“Girls don’t even hit hard.”

It is completely unfair of us to tell men these things. Abuse is traumatizing; we need to help those who are victims. Together, we need to redefine what it means to be a man. We need to support them, and help them feel comfortable and safe enough to report abuse. The best thing you can do is to believe them. Let them know that you’re there for them and that the abuse is never deserved.

- Megan Oleski, Youth Education Specialist